Chapter 54
The clock was striking eleven o’clock as Donna handed Sam a glass of wine, joining him on the couch and getting herself comfortable under his arm.
A tired Tom was sitting on a recliner across the room, legs up and going through some Navy files with a pen. There was no need to ask what they were; he’d come here to see Sam with no notice, so of course he’d brought work to get done.
Sam caressed Donna’s hair absent-mindedly, distracted by his racing thoughts.
The last couple of days had been… well, indescribable. In just a short time, he’d experienced highs, lows, and every emotion in between.
And while Ben had leaped away at the end of the danger, he still remained. It was an undeniably strange feeling, he had to admit. This time, he would need to be proactive if he actually intended to leap. But the question remained: would he—could he—should he do it?
“You’re tense,” Donna remarked, looking up at him. “What’s the matter, Sam?”
“I guess I’m still worked up from the fight,” Sam said with a hitch of his shoulder. He took a drink from his wine glass. “Just gotta relax a little, that’s all.”
“I know that look,” Tom cut in. “Ever seen the inside of a watch? All those little cogs and gears spinning? That’s what it looks like inside Sam’s head right now. Somethin’s on his mind.”
“Huh?” Sam gave Tom a confused glance. “How often do you watch me think?”
“It’s been a while, sure. But ever since you were a kid you’d get that deep pensive look on your face when you were trying to figure out some complex problem. With your brows knitted and your eyes narrowed, and your lips kind of… puckered.
“Remember the time you played chess against a computer and won?” He pointed at Sam’s face. “That’s the look you had.”
“It is?” Sam now felt exceptionally self-conscious of his facial expression.
“It is,” agreed Donna. “So, what’s on your mind? You can at least tell me, right?”
Betrayed by my own expressive face.
Thinking fast, Sam opened his mouth to spout some technobabble about optimising Ziggy, but he was saved by the sudden chime of the doorbell.
The doorbell, at this hour?
“Uh, I’ll get that,” he said, scrambling to his feet.
As he opened the door, he was surprised to see Al standing there, frowning at him.
“Al? I wasn’t expecting you here this late…”
“Now that the life-or-death stuff’s over with, I have a bone to pick, Sam.” He hiked a thumb over his shoulder. “We need to talk.”
The look on his face told Sam this was not going to be a jovial chitchat, so he slipped out the door, closing it behind him.
“Uh, what’s up?” Sam asked casually.
“Look, I hate to say this,” Al said, lighting up a cigar, “but you know Ziggy’s kind of an amoral gossip-monger. She told me about your talk with Beeks, which she overheard.”
“Oh boy…” Sam’s breath caught. So Al knew.
“Sam, why didn’t you tell me you were thinking of leaping again?” Al asked, clearly wounded. “You used to tell me everything.”
Sam’s shoulders sank, following his heart. “I’m sorry. It’s just, I haven’t made my mind up about it, Al. And I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s day by bringing it up if it ends up I don’t do it.”
“Don’t you think I could help you figure it out? Come on Sam, give me a little credit!”
Sam shook his head, taking a seat on the front steps. “I know nobody here would want me to leave. Everyone’s been so excited to have me back, especially you. It’s pretty obvious what your advice would be, Al.”
Al blew out a puff of smoke, and took a seat beside him. Sam had almost forgotten just how strong the smell of Al’s cigars were.
“Look, Sam. Quantum Leap is our project. Both of us wanted to see it happen, and both of us saw it all the way through until you went off on your own. The Quantum Leap Accelerator is one of the greatest inventions ever created. Being an astronaut was great, but getting to see Marilyn Monroe up close and personal—while skinny dipping!—well…” He grinned, wiggling his eyebrows. “That was somethin’ else.”
“Al, I think you’re losing your point.”
Al gave a conceding shrug. “Okay, okay. What I’m trying to say is you shouldn’t just assume I’m gonna be opposed to you leaping if that’s what you have your heart set on. Of course I’d prefer you to stay, but if the tubby Bartender in the sky has you convinced otherwise, then maybe I can find it in my heart to let you go.”
Flabbergasted, Sam grabbed his friend by the shoulders and squeezed. “Al, I… I didn’t know you felt that way.”
Al chuckled. “Like I said, you could have just asked. Just like you coulda told me you were dropping off the map after bringing Beth back to me.” He took a long drag on his cigar, letting it out in rings. “And, uh… you do realise you need to talk to Donna about it too, right? She’s the one who really deserves to hear this. I mean, you know how she ended up married to you…”
Sam buried his head in his hands. “I know, I know.” He moaned, rubbing at his eyes. “I feel like such a jerk even considering leaving again after what I’ve done to her life. Her abandonment issues… did I make it all worse for her? I don’t deserve her, do I?”
“Sam, don’t tell me this stuff, tell her.”
Sam sighed. “Yeah, you’re right. I promised her when Janis set up our secure contact that I’d tell her everything from now on.” He shook his head, appalled that he’d already let her down.
He definitely should have told Al sooner. What had he been thinking, carrying all this around alone?
“I should tell you that Sammy Jo also knows,” Al added. “She was there when Ziggy spilled the beans.”
“Sammy —?” A wave of nausea overtook Sam at the thought. “Oh, God. She must feel abandoned all over again too. Al, I’m such a jerk!” He brought his palms to his head, slapping himself on his temples.
“I don’t know what she feels, to be honest,” Al said. “She clammed up and wanted to focus on the leap after that. Worrying about Addison and all.”
Sam stood up, taking a deep breath. “Since secrecy’s turned out to be disastrous, I think it’s time I air my dirty laundry and tell everyone.”
The door behind them creaked open, and Tom poked a head out. “Well, I’m glad to hear that, because I was feeling a little guilty about listening through the door.”
Sam felt his mouth go dry. “Tom… how much of that did you hear…?”
“Enough to know my little brother may or may not be going AWOL again soon.”
Sam found himself grasping unsuccessfully for words.
“Listen, Sam,” Al said, patting Sam on the back, “How about we share the load? I’ll talk to your big bro, while you talk to Donna?”
“You’re sure you two won’t start duking it out?” Sam asked with apprehension.
“Scout’s honour,” Tom said. “Go on inside, Sam. The Admiral and I have much to discuss.”
Sam lingered a moment, looking between the two Navy men, and finally moved inside, shutting the door and approaching Donna, wiping off the anxious sweat that was beading on his brow.
“What’s Al doing here at this hour?” she asked, handing Sam his unfinished wine.
“Reminding me that a marriage is supposed to be about honesty,” he said grimly. “So I’ve got a confession to make, Donna.”
Donna gave him a troubled look, before sitting down and patting the seat beside her. “Okay. Well, I already know about Sammy Jo. What could be more major a confession than that?”
Sam took a seat, but didn’t draw himself too close to her. “You met the holographic version of me from the future earlier, right? He’s the reason Tom got to the river in time.”
Donna nodded.
“Well, I first saw him early this morning, and he told me something that’s been weighing on me all day.”
Sam launched into recounting the struggle that had beset him from that meeting with his future. Explaining that he had to choose between his own life—his own happiness—and that of countless others.
Donna’s eyes were teary by the time he finished.
“I’m sorry I kept it a secret,” he said, bowing his head. “I promised to be honest with you, and I already screwed up.”
“Have you… decided?” Donna asked shakily.
“No, not yet,” he said. “But you deserve to have a say, Donna. I want to hear what you think.”
Donna finished her wine. “Well, I…” she took a long, shuddering breath. “I think I need time to think about it.”
Sam nodded. “That’s perfectly understandable, and I’m happy for you to sleep on it.” He took a hold of her delicate hand. “No matter what, remember that I love you.”
Donna stood up, pulling her hand from his. “I… I’m going to get ready for bed.”
Sam nodded. “I understand if you’d prefer I sleep on the couch…”
Donna shook her head. “Sam, if this is our last night together, you had better bring your A-game.”
Sam looked up at her, mouth open. “Uh… duly noted.”