Chapter 32
“You awake?”
The voice cut through Sam’s slumber, pulling his awareness to the bed where he slept. The scent of Donna’s perfume on the sheets reminded him just where he was; apparently, yesterday hadn’t all been a dream. To his left, a clock radio proclaimed it to be 6:30 in the morning. No wonder he was still exhausted.
But who had just spoken? It hadn’t been Donna’s voice.
“Huh?” he moaned, rubbing at his eyes. “Who’s there?”
“Sorry to disturb you this early… I know you were up late with Ben.”
Sam’s sleepy eyes were jolted to full alertness when they focused upon the older version of himself standing by the bed.
“Oh boy,” he squeaked.
“We need to talk,” the hologram said, his face serious. “And I’m afraid you’re not gonna like what I have to say.”
Sam pulled the covers back, raising himself up onto his elbows.
“Are you… the me that was leaping? Or the me that’s been home for twenty years?” As soon as he asked, he realised that since he was seeing the older man’s real face—boy, it was strange seeing his own face that aged—it was likely the latter.
“Well, uh… there isn’t really a clear delineation now,” the apparition said, leaving Sam with more questions than before. “But listen…”
The hologram took a seat on the end of the bed; the only clue that he wasn’t really in the room was that the bed didn’t sink.
“Coming home… it was… really great,” the older Sam reminisced with a faint smile. “And I rebuilt my life well. I got to spend so much time with family. See all of Katie’s and Tom’s kids grow into adulthood. Donna and I travelled the world, and then when Magic contacted me in 2015, we started rebuilding the Project out west.” His expression turned bittersweet. “And... a couple of years ago, I gave the eulogy at Al’s funeral. You should've seen the crowd there. The man really was well loved. Three of his daughters have kids, and two have their own grandchildren. For a man who was an orphan, he sure had a big family at the end.”
Sam nodded silently. I guess I’m glad he had a good, long life.
But why was he being told all of this? Where was this going?
“But it always weighed on me, thinking about how much I could have done by continuing leaping. All those people I could have helped, but chose not to.” He bowed his head. “Recently, that’s come into… very sharp focus. And I guess I’d never be able to forgive myself if I didn’t take this opportunity to tell you…”
“Tell me what?” Sam asked, as if he didn’t already have an idea, deep down, of what his older self was about to say. Don't say it. Please.
“You—we have to leap.”
He said it.
“But…”
“I know, Sam. I know all too well. I lived the last twenty years with Donna, and Sammy Jo, and Al, and Addison, and everyone else I’ve come to know and love. And I wouldn’t ask you to undo those precious years of my life if I didn’t think it was for the best.” His eyes twinkled with tears. “But there are people out there who need you. And at least, now that you’re here, you can say a proper goodbye.”
Sam felt a wave of nausea in his gut. “No, I… I don’t want to give it up this time,” he said, voice gaining in volume. “I made a promise to Donna. And what about… what about what I want? Why can’t I ever have that?”
For once, somebody helped me. And now he’s asking me to give everything up… again?
The holographic Sam met his eye, giving him a devastated look. “Do you remember Sam Beiderman?”
The furious Sam was caught off-guard by this. “What?”
“Sam Beiderman. We leaped into him during his electroshock treatment.”
“I know who it is, but what’s your point, dammit?” he snapped.
“Do you know what happened to him after that?”
Sam shook his head.
“Well, I do. After we had our… episode… and leaped away, he was tightly monitored and tested daily, eventually being kept in isolation until he finally got his hands on a razor and ended the pain.” Older Sam’s eyes were haunted, as if he was recalling something horrible. “Sam… you can prevent it. Save him from that fate. All you have to do is get in the Accelerator.”
With an aching heart, Sam balled himself up on the bed. “Please… don’t make me leave the people I love…” he begged. “Not again. It would hurt them so much.”
But the older Sam knew as well as he did that a nerve had been hit.
“That’s the same leap you’ll meet Ben for the first time. Or, I guess, third time now.” The hologram smiled sadly. “And that’s just one life you can change.” He stood up and began pacing the room, rattling off names. “Gerald Washburne, industrial painter, saved from falling from a scaffold. Harmony McIntyre, aged three—rescued from an abusive father before being beaten into a coma. Yuri Akito, saved from getting involved in a robbery and subsequent manslaughter conviction. I had Ziggy look into these, so I know what happens to them without us.” He shook his head. “I could go on for hours. Need I?”
“No…” Sam looked away. “But how can you know about leaps you never did?”
“How did Janis know we were the reason she exists?”
Sam squinted. “You… did mushrooms?”
“I had to know. After what happened to Addison, I—”
“Addison? What happened to Addison?”
“Oh, you don’t know that yet.” Older Sam heaved a deep sigh. “When the old version of me who was leaped into her ceased to exist, she became kind of a… a relic of the old timeline. She doesn’t remember anything that happened in this timeline. The last twenty years are a mystery to her.”
“Oh my god. Ben didn’t say anything.”
“I think he didn’t want you to feel guilty about coming home.” Older Sam rubbed his forehead. “She’s taken it well, all things considered. Well, after she recovered from her panic attack.” He paused, looking his former self directly in the eye. “I think, maybe, if you leap, we just might prevent the paradox that led to that.”
Sam let out a breath and let his head and shoulders drop, melting into his pillow. “… I see.”
Older Sam held up his handlink. “Well, I’ve said my piece. I can’t force you to do anything, so the choice is yours.” He tapped on the device. “Think about it, huh?” With that, he disappeared, leaving Sam alone in the bed, fighting back tears.
After a moment, a knock sounded on the bedroom door, before it creaked open to reveal Donna, holding a tray of breakfast.
“Oh, I’m glad you’re awake,” she said with a smile, approaching the bed. “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to nuke this later.”
“You didn’t have to—”
“— Oh, nonsense, Sam. Consider it a ‘welcome home’ breakfast.” She placed it on the bed beside him, her smile fading as she got a closer look at his face. “Are you alright? You look like you’re about to cry.”
“I’m okay,” Sam lied, brushing the moisture from his eyes and sitting up. He leaned over, kissing her on the cheek. “Never better.”
* * *
Yawning, Addison padded down the hall quietly, and tapped at Janis’s bedroom door. She wasn’t sure if Ben would be up yet, since it was only eight, but she’d barely been able to sleep herself. Her mind was absolutely buzzing with all that she had learned the previous night.
How the hell was she, all of a sudden, smack bang in the middle of some crazy sci fi plot? She felt like the wide-eyed protagonist of a young adult novel being thrust into another world. The ‘call to adventure’, her English teacher had called it, if she remembered correctly.
To her relief, she could hear a voice inside. Was it Ben speaking to his hologram?
The door swung open, and Ben smiled as he caught sight of her.
“Morning,” he said brightly through Janis’s mouth. “I was just thinking of coming to get you.”
“Really?”
Ben ushered her inside, closing the door. “Really.” He looked to his left, grinning. “You’re really gonna do it?” he asked the empty space. “Well, okay.” He turned to Addison. “You’ll want to look away until the blinding flash is over.”
“Blinding fla—?” she was unable to finish her question before there was indeed a blinding flash, that she was unable to evade. And when it subsided, she had to blink a few times before she could make out what she was seeing.
It was like looking in a mirror, except all of her features were sharper, more defined. Older.
“Uh, hey… me,” the holographic Addison said awkwardly.
“No freakin’ way,” Addison blurted out, and took a moment to circle the older version of herself, before whipping a hand through the projection, causing it to glitch. “This is, hands down, the coolest thing I’ve ever seen! I really look like this in the future?”
“You do,” the older Addison said, chuckling. “Okay, listen up, squirt. The reason we decided it was worth showing you this was because… I need you to put your faith in Ben and Sam. They’re really good people. Maybe the best in the world. And although you’ve only just met them both, I need you to trust them like you’ve known them forever. That’s the only way we’re gonna pull this off. Got it?”
Head swimming, Addison nodded.
“Good,” the holographic Addison said. “Also, only Sam and Ben can know about what’s going on, unless Ziggy gives the okay on others knowing. That means no blabbing about it, and always making sure to call Ben Janis. Okay?”
“Okay.” Jeez, I grew up to be a hardass.
“Now, this is using a lot of power, so I’ve gotta tune you out in a minute. But I’m still gonna be hanging around Ben, so just use him as a medium if you wanna talk. No spoilers, though.” She glanced upward. “I have a feeling Ziggy is gonna demote me if I say too much about your future. That, or Magic will take me off the coffee run list and I do not want to go without my lattes. They’re the only things that have stayed the same in my life lately.”
“Man, I really miss getting a latte made just the way I like it,” Ben said as the hologram faded from Addison’s sight.
She pinched herself to make sure she was awake, before wondering about the last thing her future self had said. What did she mean, ‘only things that have stayed the same in my life?’
Well, things in her life even now were pretty fluid, now that she had a time traveller for a grandfather. Maybe it came with the territory.
And so, she narrated to herself, the shining hologram jittered and fuzzed away, leaving the blank space once again. I turned my attention to my empty stomach, and wondered where I might go to break my fast. I had a big day ahead; a mission in time given to me by my future self and her undercover time agent wearing the face of a teenage girl. So off I ventured, in search of a kitchen.